Oh, I am so tired of people judging me... so tired of them seeing me as someone weak, easily broken, and vulnerable... i tried to ignore the words that hurt me... if only you know me, darling... if only you see me in the outside... oh, if only you know my face, and not judging me by the sound of my name...
In their world, I am smiling... making others laugh with my stupid jokes. Singing loudly till my throat hurts, wishing that my voice will soon fade. But no, it doesn't disappear... it doesn't fade away, but it wasn't heard at all either. I am one of the many others whose questions are unanswered, and whose answers are ignored. I am one of the many others whose feelings depend on where and when do the wind blows.
Every time I type my username to sign in for Blogger, I know I am entering a different world. A world where everyone else is being listened to. A world where you can use a fake name, a fake face, a fake life. A place where you can not pretend to be happy, and be happy whenever you please to. For me, that is enough to be real. I use my real name, and real face, and present my real life... in hope that people will never judge me, the way that people I know, do.
Please, allow me to write about love. It's the only thing I know to cover up all the things that hurt. Please, allow me to write about my pains. It's the only thing that keeps my body away from numbness. Please, do not tell me I am weak. Because having to write all these things, having a mind that speaks, and having a voice so little to shout to the world is enough to lessen up all the emotions that are slowly eating up every piece of my soul... allowing me to pick it up again... allowing me to put it back altogether.
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