5 Things Bout Me

♥…a lot of wrong decisions have been made in the past which is obviously affecting me now and maybe in the future and it’s pretty depressing that I can’t take it all back... but i'm sure it will be alright.

♥…I’m happy, not with my life, but with living… because I’m living with and surrounded with wonderful, sweet people whom I call “family”, “friends”, and of course, there’s my soulmate who is always holding my hand

♥…I believe in the Almighty Father, that even though I cannot see Him, I know He’s with me. That even though my life’s a mess right now, He’ll be with me sweeping around the dusts and making it all clean and polished

♥...I’m in love with love stories, and romantic movies, and fairy tales not only because I’m corny but also I love to be inspired… I love to believe that there really is this something called “magic” between two persons and that happy endings really do happen in real life.

♥…sometimes I’m selfish. I get easily jealous, back in high school - with my girlfriends, now, with my boyfriend. I do not know. Maybe I’m just afraid to be left alone. I’m afraid that someone will come out of nowhere and snatch the very ones that I love… the only ones that I have. And nobody has the right to blame me for being this kind of girl.

You Are Made of Stardust

you never cease to blow me away, love. do you know that?

do you ever know that?

that every time you open your mouth and whisper my name,

a sudden feeling of warmth enters my soul,

penetrating my very bones and 

giving me a slight shiver in the insides...

you are my evening smile, my light...

a stardust swaying with the wind in the stillness of the night,

covering every emotions with peace...

and you still haven't got any idea 

how much your presence mean to me,

and your absence make my heart wither...

You Made Me Cry...You Made Me Laugh...

 Why is that, that the person who made you cry is the only person who can put the smile back on your face?

Nothing felt right for the last few days... All filled with fake laughters, and hidden tears. I thought the happiness that embraced me over the past week has ended, abandoned me again, and flew back into the ones who really needed it. But he came back... I'm overjoyed. Once again, I felt loved. Once again, I felt needed.

I Want to Feel Needed!!

    I’m the girl who would love to lay her head on your shoulders just to feel safe.
Who would love you to hold her hands just to feel she belongs…
And who would want you to hug her every time she’s afraid, or sick, or bored…

 I’m that kind of girl. 
I love being dependent, and I love you more each time you're here when I need you… 
when I close my eyes and wish you’re here and after a few moments, you’ll come knocking at the door and I get to see your face. 
Sometimes, I love being weak because I know you will be strong for me… 

but there are times, dear, there are times when I need to be strong too. 
Times when you are sick, or lonely, or when you rest your head on my shoulder…
 ahh. It’s a wonderful feeling. 
I love the feeling of being needed... 
that for once in my life, I’m needed by someone… having a shoulder strong enough for you to rest on… 
a hand warm enough to hold you when you’re cold… 
lips that can say the words that you need to hear… 
I love it, darling.
I love you.

I Miss You Love...Even If You Don't

Perhaps you should know that behind those smiles,

she is secretly dying...

Perhaps you should know that despite her lack of patience,

she is waiting.

Perhaps you should know how much she needs you right now.

But you have no idea.

And I hate you for that.

But I couldn't stand hating YOU.

So I'd hate myself, rather.

Oohhh.... I'm melting. What am I to do?

Just... Just come home. Hug me.

I MISS YOU

Look At Me.....See Me.....

 

 

weheartit.com

One sad thing about life is the realization that the world is too big to make you it's priority. It can break you, crush you, turn you down, tear you apart without it noticing... You will cry, get hurt, get lost, feel abandoned without being seen. For in the world, you are so tiny compare to all those beauteous, enticing beings who have done so much for it and the last thing you'll ever think of is to move on and make yourself worthy of existence...

Come on, no matter what you do, he'll never look back at you. He'll never see you like he did the first time you met. He'll never have time to listen to your stories or appreciate your songs. He'll never pinch your nose again which have always made you so annoyed but actually the reason why you find him so cute. He'll never realize how much you are hurting coz' he is just too busy minding his own life. He is your world but YOU aren't HIS.

I wish I could simply let go of this feeling. Clear those dark grey clouds away from my sky and paint a bright, gleaming sun through the strength of my playful imagination. But I couldn't. My mind only does things according to my heart's desire. It feels whatever my heart feels. And you know what? It feels for you. It beats, and it  bleeds because of you. And yeah, obviously rejecting the idea of moving on, or letting go, or acceptance...

Can I just stay? If I stay, will you do too? 

Or will you just leave me here alone with the rest of the world?

Will you look back at me?

Will you see me?

Will you remind me again about our love story

Or just simply turn around and say "I'm Sorry"...

...You are my world... The sad part is I am not yours. It's okay if I'm not your priority... Just don't forget about me. Think of me one in a while. Assure me of your love. It's all I want.

...will you just look at me?

----- ♥ -----

 I just needed to let it out.

I'm feeling kind of ignored by --- HIM.

Oh yes, HIM.

Do you know this feeling?

I hope not. Cause it hurts.

My Name On Your Lips...

"My new favorite place in all the world is buried in your sheets, tangled up in you. My new favorite word is my own name rolling off your lips at a whisper. And when I’m with you it all just melts away. It’s all okay."

***

he told me everything will be fine... and i believe in those words.

someday, all the pains i felt will all be gone...

away with the wind

I'm Sorry...

i'm sorry to have disappointed you again

i'm nothing but a failure to you... and to myself.

please don't tell me it's okay

i know that it's not.

and whatever pain i am feeling right now

doubles the hurt in your heart

thanks for hugging me

- though i really do not deserve it

- you know how much i need it right now.

i'm such a loser... and i deserve this...

i'm sorry,

He's Heaven Sent...

I can see the pureness of his love

everytime he looks at me.

I know that he’ll always be there.

His smiles are the sweetest in the world.

His touch is so magical

that it can heal even the most painful wound.

Beside him is the safest and most peaceful place

there could ever be.

I know that i can do everything i want to do

And be whoever i want to be.

My joys are his joys...

My pains are his pains...

Without him, i know i can never be complete.

Most of all,

He is the closest thing to heaven

that i have ever seen!

♥

with all my love, Abby

Life is Worth Living For If You Have the Love Of Your Life!

There have been lots of ups and downs, but ultimately, at the end of the day, that's what makes you who you are. We all know how to laugh, we all know how to cry, and we all know how to love back. We all know heartache, but the world keeps moving, and we keep moving along with it, and everything we experience helps us realize how beautiful life really is. I believe everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test our limits. Without these small tests, life would be a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

A Soul Apart From Her Own. . .

                                

I LOVE YOU

i must be dreaming when i see you standing next to me...

but no, this is real... this is... our fairy tale.

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

 

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

I LOVE YOU

 HUNNY YOU ARE THE SWEETEST MAN ON EARTH AND I AM SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS BABY I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

The Reason For My Flaws...

I will admit im a sensative person...i'm to emotional...i love the sweetest things in life and im really nice so anything small is a big deal for me. Just last night i was reading this book for English class and it gets to this part were this guy keeps badgering this old man that his old dog needs to be shot cause it can't even see and it can barely move..finally the old man gives in and this whole speech about the poor dog and what the guy is going to do to it made me bawl. And when it desribed how it was all quiet in the lil house and all of a sudden you hear the gun sound.....that really made me cry harder....so yes you can think im fucking insane and just retarded but i can't help it...that was really sad to read. I have had 5 people tel me i'm too nice for my own good....but honestly i can't help it...like most girls would say to Coley we aren't moving bitch or like tell off my certain friend who is dishonest with me all the time most girls would confront them and be all bitch....but i just can't i mean why be like that??? And lately this week i've been getting more and more stressed out. Tonight i swore i was going to have a heartattack. Today was horrible...sat there in math class getting back my test result when i thought i had done really good finding out its a fucking C. And in biology i have an F and in math i have an F also. I know why me and Matt have so many problems....its all my stress it turns me into this high strung person whos so fucking upset and doesn't even know whats goin on half the time...i remember the time he told me that im not the girl he fell in love with last summer and hes right cause school kicked in and it turns me into a person i dont know how to change. Whats worse is i see him barely in school and does he ever act sweet does he ever say anything thats really that sweet no not really....he just acts like hes put out to hug me. And it hurts me sooooo bad....he has no idea...i have been treated like dirt my whole life so everything small hits me hard...i know he probably has his reasons but it still hurts and confuses me. i feel so unappriencted by him that everytime im in his presence i dont ever know how to act....i just feel that no matter what i say or do im going to get the eye roll. the god hunny your a bitch speech...or the u gotta change speech. He has to find anything to pick at....Everyday im stressed out and it makes me over react a lot....everyday i want to cry and everyday i go WHY THE FUCK AM I ON THIS EARTH!!!! I know everyone hates me...i know im shy i know im not pretty i know i have flaws (mostly come out during school) i get harassed everyday by everyone including my bf....today he actually finally said some words that were comforting he hugged me tight like i love you and put his head on my shoulder and said im here for you baby dont forget it......which punched me in the stomach cause i honestly dont think he gives a fuck.....everytime i talk to him about something that upsets me or something that really hurt me he throws it all on me...its all my fault im a bitch blah blah.....everyday he has to remind me how horrible a person i am and calls me bitch and it hurts me too much.....whcih is why i go silent which makes him even madder thinking im being mantupalitve IM NOT!!!! Im just so sick of being called that by the person i love the best. I feel so much pressure to be perfect in his eyes and i never will be perfet in his eyes its impossible i know it is....I just want to die i want out of this life....i cant make anyone like me.....all my friends ont like me my own bf cant stand me everyone in all the grades hate me i want out of this world so bad just so all the stress of school, the stupid people who hate me, the stress of feeling ugly and worthless goes away....to go to sleep forever....Matthew Fuller i love you so much you have no idea....you may not think i love you or care for you but baby i do....i love you and think of you as my best friend, my love, my soulmate....the person that i count on always....even though u hurt me i still know u care for me and my love for you never falters. You could fucking beat me up and walk away if u wanted to talk i would talk to u and i would still care for u. I would love to change but all i get thrown at me is all this hate everyday and he walks in and brings me down which makes my self esteem lower and my feeling that im shit on a shoe deeper...whcih makes my flaws get worse......hunny all i need is words of comfort im still a girl i need stuff to remind me that u do love me....idk i just need nicer words i just get all these harsh words hun. I hide behind my smile allday and i act all out there cause it helps me hide my pain that i feel everyday.....im a mess i will adit.....the only time my smile is for real is when im with my love.....weekends ah i love em all my school hw stress is gone and im away from all my haters so im more relaxed and im with him....thats why i want summer sooooo bad cause i know him and me will be the cutest powerfulest couple.  Today i wanted to collapse in his arms and just cry my heart out but i couldn't and i know that and i know he hates it whn i cry so i can't lol. I know if him and I could only talk and let me vent about where all my flaws come from we could make it a lil better.....i just want to be held and coddled and be babyed to by sweet words......something that i never get unless its from him....never got it as a kid whcih is probably why once i love you i never stop loving you....I also do know tht he cares for me i truely do get it but i ust wish he showed it to me....and i love it that hes trying to show me my flaws and help me but i just wish he would stop with the insults and be nicer about it it would help me to stop being so over reacnt and so upset all the time though most of  it comes from shcool and all my haters....so me being upset and stressed out and hiding my pain is the reason for my flaws...so how im going to change i have no idea baby.....and hunny im so sory to put u down i will try to calm down from now and ask u questions in a calm way instead of jumping on u.....but in return u have to be nicer and u always rate girsl around me it hurts me baby why do u do it like i really want to know that sam is on the sexy scale as me cause that just makes me feel ugly and injured sry that i feel this way i know im yours but it stilll stabs at me :/  Matt im just a waste im no good for you or this earth.....i dont deserve you but im so happy that u are with me cause we cant deny we do get along good once i can destress from school that it is lol....all im saying is hun plz love me plz no i mean no harm i just im not a person who can deal with all this stress from school im srys....SUMMER WILL BE AMAzING THOUGH ;)

Tired of Being Judged...

                  

Oh, I am so tired of people judging me... so tired of them seeing me as someone weak, easily broken, and vulnerable... i tried to ignore the words that hurt me... if only you know me, darling... if only you see me in the outside... oh, if only you know my face, and not judging me by the sound of my name...

In their world, I am smiling... making others laugh with my stupid jokes. Singing loudly till my throat hurts, wishing that my voice will soon fade. But no, it doesn't disappear... it doesn't fade away, but it wasn't heard at all either. I am one of the many others whose questions are unanswered, and whose answers are ignored. I am one of the many others whose feelings depend on where and when do the wind blows.

Every time I type my username to sign in for Blogger, I know I am entering a different world. A world where everyone else is being listened to. A world where you can use a fake name, a fake face, a fake life. A place where you can not pretend to be happy, and be happy whenever you please to. For me, that is enough to be real. I use my real name, and real face, and present my real life... in hope that people will never judge me, the way that people I know, do.

Please, allow me to write about love. It's the only thing I know to cover up all the things that hurt. Please, allow me to write about my pains. It's the only thing that keeps my body away from numbness. Please, do not tell me I am weak. Because having to write all these things, having a mind that speaks, and having a voice so little to shout to the world is enough to lessen up all the emotions that are slowly eating up every piece of my soul... allowing me to pick it up  again... allowing me to put it back altogether.

It's Okay To Cry My Love...

it's okay to cry... no ones looking at you... because today, i'll make them busy. i'll make them stare at my falling pieces so you can finally close your eyes and let your own teardrops fall.

let it go... let the pain out.

... are you okay? it's alright if you're still not. because someday, you will for sure.

it's time to go now, love. wipe your tears away... and look outside the window.

there it is... do you see God's gift? do you see His promise?

yes, the rainbow, love."

Crying is not a weakness...its a way to relieve pain, hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, heartbreak.

And when you find that person who will hold you in his arms and coddle you while you soak his shirt with your tears is the guy who truly loves you and is whats called True Love!

I'm In love!!

Is it possible to forget that you are in love? Im not sure. But, for the last few weeks, I have been feeling like that is the only possible explanation for all of this. Its like, for a few moments, I had my eyes closed. Like I didnt see him or something. Because now, every time I look at him, I melt. My breath escapes me and I lose it just a little bit. I have always known that I am one of the luckiest girls in the world, to have fallen in love with him. I have had little butterflies this whole time. But what is it, now, that completely overwhelms me every time I hear his voice or see his smile. Every kiss is like the first, again. It all feels so much more intense. Everyday I wake up in awe that this is my life. I am so lucky. I am so in love.

The ABC's of Me...

 

Age: 17 ^_^

Bed size: Twin

Chore you hate: laundry

Dogs: My babygirl Mischa

Essential start of your day: An i love you from my hubby 

Favorite color: Teal (all shades of blue)

Gold or silver: Silver

Height: 5'0"

Instruments I play (or have played): I attempted the flute

Job title: None

Kids: Later please

Live: Allendale, Mi

Mom's name: Christine

Nickname: Abs, Abitty Rabitty, Jabbers

Overnight hospital stays: None

Pet peeve: Girls who think their shit don't stink

Quote from a movie: Unsure of any

Right or left handed: Right

Siblings: Brother Matthew and sister Ocean

Time you wake up: 6:30

Underwear: yes?

Vegetables you dislike: there are a few!

What makes you run late: Forgetting where i put my camera and cell.

X-rays you've had done: Hand, feet

Yummy food you make: Chicken Alfredo

Zoo animal: Tigers, stingrays, Lions